Unfocused

I am unfocused... there's a lot running around in my mind these past few days. A lot of uncertainty... not necessarily related to me but at the same time, related to me. Confusing, I know. But the past few days I've missed my Bible reading and it shows. My attitude has struggled and even more so my focus. I went for a run today and all I could think about was... 'when is this going to end?' Nothing was going wrong, I felt great, I just was not focused. Usually I dream, pray, imagine running for TNT and my Dad meeting me at the end... it's my time to focus on God and be with Him. Today it wasn't there.

Izzy's sick... I'm not surprised and we kinda asked for it. Being outside at Disney in the cold and rain... I pray she can rest well as tomorrow is her sports day and I know she'd be devastated to miss it. Isaiah was a ham today... that guy brings so much joy and so much laughter, lots of patience though too. Eliza was a chatter box and very happy as well.

Praying that my focus returns... off to read my Bible.

Blessed again...

Yesterday I wrote about how we've been blessed.... today I repeat that same post, why? Because a man in our church blessed us with tickets to Disneyland. We used to have season passes but financially, this wasn't the year we could do it and I've missed it terribly.

It was FREEZING today, by HK standards that is. About 39F, windy and rainy but today was the last chance we had to go so we all went with multiple layers and good attitudes. And you know... we had a blast. Everyone did... Izzy was beyond excited about everything. Isaiah loved seeing all the characters and experiencing the rides, though he was hesitant at first. And E just chilled in the stroller all day without complaining.

We rode, we watched, we met the princesses and Mickey and Minnie, Goofy, Pluto, Alice....

Again, I thank the Lord for blessing us with a wonderful, family centered day.

Blessings

I love giving gifts to people and I love helping whenever I possibly can. Yesterday at work, I loved putting the furniture together because I knew it meant that others could get some real work done. Today I loved waiting by the door with Gwenyth so that Wendzi could get inside and settled first. It brings me great joy to serve in such simple ways and it brings me great joy to give when I am able to. I don't ever expect anything back and sometimes, I get frustrated if they insist on trying to repay me. Not really angry but I just want them to know I do things because I love them, care about them and want to help.

Today, God blessed me in a big way. We've been trying very hard to be wise with our money, to be good stewards. We've really wanted to do something as a family, a holiday, but you can't cheaply do one of those in Hong Kong and even our cheap holiday to Thailand has grown more expensive due to our growing family. But today... oh my, today the Lord blessed us in an amazing way.

For 4yrs now, I've dreamt of taking a holiday in Vietnam. I don't know why I'm drawn there but I am and would love to see it's beauty. And today, we pretty much settled on a trip in March! I can't even begin to express my delight. It's a gift from some very special people, it's a gift from God.

We've been quite blessed throughout our married lives but there have been a few people in HK that have really been generous towards us. I sometimes struggle with this because there is absolutely no way we could ever pay them back in the same way. We will just never financially be capable of that. Maybe that's why they bless us... maybe they're like me and they don't want to be repaid... they just want to sit and watch someone else smile.

I pray that we will continue to be good stewards of our resources so that we can bless others as we have been blessed.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart.......

There are some things that we are dealing with currently. I don't understand most of them at all, I struggle to see Christ being glorified and because of these things, my attitude towards people is suffering. So I'm begging God to 'Create in me a clean heart..."

Opportunity

I loved the statement in Evan Almight that says, "When you ask God for something, does He always give it to you? Or does He give you the opportunity for it?" Not sure how Biblical this is but it has helped me to approach some things differently. Like the example of patience... you know we're always asking God for more patience and then we joke about all the chances we have to practice it.

Well, I've asked God to help me be more patient, more gracious, more loving with my children and today was the biggest opportunity for me to practice it.

Today was a very challenging day for me... I'm not feeling well, can hardly breathe am tired from rough nights of sleeping and staying up to late to get work done. I'm not sure what's going on with Isaiah... he was a mess today, crying at everything. I'm beginning to think that maybe he is not feeling well but it took every bone in my body not to scream at the top of my lungs. I gave out lots of hugs, which I will never complain about but I also had to give out several timeouts... something that just breaks my heart. I've never had such a rough time with him as I did today.

I took about an hour nap after lunch and it gave me some much needed energy but what really strengthened me was taking my 15 minutes to do my daily Bible reading. Still in Job, I'm reading a response from one of Job's friends about how great and mighty God is.

I wasn't perfect today and at bedtime, I did lose it a bit with Isaiah but God is gracious... willing to forgive me and give me another chance. He reminded me that I can't be lenient all the time with my children. They need to know boundaries and just as I deal with consequences from my mistakes, my children will too.

God blessed me when the older two finally fell asleep... for almost 30 minutes, Eliza just talked and squealed... what a sweet sound that was. It reminded me that no matter how rough some nights may be, I wouldn't trade my children for anything. I'm so very blessed to have them in my life.

Train Up a Child

On Thursdays, I go into the office to work. I always have such mixed feelings. I hate saying good-bye to the kids in the morning but when I'm in the office, I love being there. I really do have a fabulous job and am so grateful that God completely gave me my heart's desire.

When I came home today, the kids were wired and did not want to sleep, especially Isaiah. Mike usually puts him to bed and Isaiah often tries to cling to me in attempt to get out of bedtime. Tonight, I didn't want to give him back. I was loving his giggles, his kisses, his 'I lub you Mommy'. So Mike said it was my job to put him to bed so I did. I carried him up, raced him to his bed, jumped in and laid down with him. We talked, we prayed, we snuggled. It was sweet.

I was a bit cranky coming home because I'm still not feeling well and well when I got home, E was a disaster and wouldn't let me put her down but I reminded myself that this too will pass (darn teeth) and I would savor the snuggles and cries for only mama.

I'm trying very hard to be more patient, more gracious, more merciful with my children... to show/teach them what God is like and hopefully to instill those qualities in them as well. It's easier for the younger two... they haven't become to independent and opinionated yet. It's harder for me with Izzy but I'm desperately trying to "Train your child in the way she should go, and when she is old, she will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 I'm trying to be more gentle when discipling her, trying to explain how she should act/repsond rather than just telling her what she is doing is wrong. We had a nice chat this evening about greeting people with a 'royal smile' and making them feel special.

It's scary to know I have so much influence on someone.... please God use me to draw her closer to You, not the opposite!

You take the good, you take the bad....

Job 2:10 (after Job loses his health and his wife tells him to curse God) says this:

".... Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

This past year has been quite a difficult one. Over the course of 3 months, I lost three of my uncles and about 4 months later, I lost another. Roughly at that same time, a former youth group student was diagnosed with a second cancer (and in Nov passed away) and 2 months later my Dad was diagnosed with Lymphoma.

I can honestly say that while it broke my heart and I begged and begged for God's mercy, I was not angry with God that these things happened. Oh how I wished they hadn't but I know that God is sovereign.

When we accept Christ, we are not guaranteed an easy, pain free life. We are guaranteed someone to walk us through those valleys, those seemingly black holes...

I will certainly accept the good from God but I will also accept the trouble, knowing that He is with me and knowing that each trouble will bring me closer to Him. I pray that I will be like Job... and to the end hold on to my integrity and defend the Lord with all I've got.

God our Creator

"Your life is to be lived in such a way as to reflect Him, to show the world the character of God--His love, His peace, His mercy, His gentleness. You are to live for Him, to accomplish His will. To miss this purpose is to miss fulfillment. It is to have existed rather than to have lived" ~ Kay Arthur

I don't think there is much to add to this. Sometimes I find it much easier to live this way among other people and struggle to live this way among the people that mean the most to me, my family. My desire this year is to really strive to remember this sentence: "Your life is to be lived to show the world God's character."

I want my children to know and understand WHO God is. I want them to know He's our Creator, He's our provider, He's our peace....

and I want my children to see God in my life. I want them to know I am dedicated to Him, dedicated to serving Him, to learning about Him and that my desire is that they too would love Him with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.

I want God's character to be seen in the way I live... so now my job is to seek Him on how I can do that better.

Write No One Off!

Is there anyone in your life that you desperately want to come to know Jesus... someone that you've been praying for a long time, sometimes it seems without any change? Well DON'T GIVE UP! That was the gist of our message today.. though Pastor Mark was much more powerful in his presentation and use of Acts 9:1-31.

His title was 'Write No One Off!' and he talked about how Paul was the worst of sinners yet God still worked and drew him to himself. How we are the worst of sinners... yet God still brought us unto himself.

We will never understand God's timing, we may never see the results of our prayers but that doesn't give us permission to grow weary and give up.

I've got a list of people that I pray will meet Jesus and give their lives to Him... today's message was powerful in reminding me not to grow weary, not to give up, and to take every possible opportunity to be a witness for Him.

I pray 2011 would allow me to see some of these people accept Christ, but if not, I won't stop praying. God is powerful!

1-1-11

I cannot believe it is 2011... I can remember very clearly the scare and fear that encircled New Year's Eve 1999. Can that really be 11 years ago? I never dreamt 2011 would arrive so quickly.

I look back on this year with bittersweet emotions. There were some really, REALLY great things and some things that really, REALLY stunk. But it was a year of great growth for me. God challenged me A LOT but He was always there with me. He never left me... He didn't send me through anything alone. What an amazing God.

As I look on the year ahead, I pray that I will grow even more... that each day I will look back and see how I've drawn closer to Him.

One of my goals for this year is to briefly blog each day about something that the Lord has shown me. It's hard for me to hand write journals these days but I'd love to have something to help me remember each day, to remember the things I've learned so that I can pass them on to my sweet children.

Today I spent the day cleaning/tidying up our house... and as I went through each room, my heart was disqusted with the amount of 'things' we had. I desperately wanted to just throw things away but I know there are many people who could use these items, so instead I'm throwing everything into a bag and will pass it along if I can. I love how I tend to be frugile in what I will buy because I know that we will never live in the same home for our entire life and what's the point of buying expensive things if we have to keep moving... but at the same time I feel like it makes our house look immature and even messy. It's kinda hard to explain my exact feelings but anyway. I've decided to go through a lot of things... get rid of what we don't need but then try to replace some things with better quality in hopes that it will last longer and look a bit nicer.

Anyway... as I was cleaning, I was just constantly reminded by God that life is not about things but about serving Him and others. I'd clean a little and then so politely be reminded by my children to play with them. So I stopped and played and loved every second of it. Izzy and I finally did her Beado's and Buddy and I had a tea party (hey that's what happens when you have a big sis) and then we all went outside to ride bikes. Now everyone is snuggled in bed and asleep, the house is tidy and the 'reading corner' (minus some shelves) is all set-up waiting for Izzy.

Off to read for a few minutes and then to bed.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!