Unfocused

I am unfocused... there's a lot running around in my mind these past few days. A lot of uncertainty... not necessarily related to me but at the same time, related to me. Confusing, I know. But the past few days I've missed my Bible reading and it shows. My attitude has struggled and even more so my focus. I went for a run today and all I could think about was... 'when is this going to end?' Nothing was going wrong, I felt great, I just was not focused. Usually I dream, pray, imagine running for TNT and my Dad meeting me at the end... it's my time to focus on God and be with Him. Today it wasn't there.

Izzy's sick... I'm not surprised and we kinda asked for it. Being outside at Disney in the cold and rain... I pray she can rest well as tomorrow is her sports day and I know she'd be devastated to miss it. Isaiah was a ham today... that guy brings so much joy and so much laughter, lots of patience though too. Eliza was a chatter box and very happy as well.

Praying that my focus returns... off to read my Bible.

Blessed again...

Yesterday I wrote about how we've been blessed.... today I repeat that same post, why? Because a man in our church blessed us with tickets to Disneyland. We used to have season passes but financially, this wasn't the year we could do it and I've missed it terribly.

It was FREEZING today, by HK standards that is. About 39F, windy and rainy but today was the last chance we had to go so we all went with multiple layers and good attitudes. And you know... we had a blast. Everyone did... Izzy was beyond excited about everything. Isaiah loved seeing all the characters and experiencing the rides, though he was hesitant at first. And E just chilled in the stroller all day without complaining.

We rode, we watched, we met the princesses and Mickey and Minnie, Goofy, Pluto, Alice....

Again, I thank the Lord for blessing us with a wonderful, family centered day.

Blessings

I love giving gifts to people and I love helping whenever I possibly can. Yesterday at work, I loved putting the furniture together because I knew it meant that others could get some real work done. Today I loved waiting by the door with Gwenyth so that Wendzi could get inside and settled first. It brings me great joy to serve in such simple ways and it brings me great joy to give when I am able to. I don't ever expect anything back and sometimes, I get frustrated if they insist on trying to repay me. Not really angry but I just want them to know I do things because I love them, care about them and want to help.

Today, God blessed me in a big way. We've been trying very hard to be wise with our money, to be good stewards. We've really wanted to do something as a family, a holiday, but you can't cheaply do one of those in Hong Kong and even our cheap holiday to Thailand has grown more expensive due to our growing family. But today... oh my, today the Lord blessed us in an amazing way.

For 4yrs now, I've dreamt of taking a holiday in Vietnam. I don't know why I'm drawn there but I am and would love to see it's beauty. And today, we pretty much settled on a trip in March! I can't even begin to express my delight. It's a gift from some very special people, it's a gift from God.

We've been quite blessed throughout our married lives but there have been a few people in HK that have really been generous towards us. I sometimes struggle with this because there is absolutely no way we could ever pay them back in the same way. We will just never financially be capable of that. Maybe that's why they bless us... maybe they're like me and they don't want to be repaid... they just want to sit and watch someone else smile.

I pray that we will continue to be good stewards of our resources so that we can bless others as we have been blessed.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart.......

There are some things that we are dealing with currently. I don't understand most of them at all, I struggle to see Christ being glorified and because of these things, my attitude towards people is suffering. So I'm begging God to 'Create in me a clean heart..."

Opportunity

I loved the statement in Evan Almight that says, "When you ask God for something, does He always give it to you? Or does He give you the opportunity for it?" Not sure how Biblical this is but it has helped me to approach some things differently. Like the example of patience... you know we're always asking God for more patience and then we joke about all the chances we have to practice it.

Well, I've asked God to help me be more patient, more gracious, more loving with my children and today was the biggest opportunity for me to practice it.

Today was a very challenging day for me... I'm not feeling well, can hardly breathe am tired from rough nights of sleeping and staying up to late to get work done. I'm not sure what's going on with Isaiah... he was a mess today, crying at everything. I'm beginning to think that maybe he is not feeling well but it took every bone in my body not to scream at the top of my lungs. I gave out lots of hugs, which I will never complain about but I also had to give out several timeouts... something that just breaks my heart. I've never had such a rough time with him as I did today.

I took about an hour nap after lunch and it gave me some much needed energy but what really strengthened me was taking my 15 minutes to do my daily Bible reading. Still in Job, I'm reading a response from one of Job's friends about how great and mighty God is.

I wasn't perfect today and at bedtime, I did lose it a bit with Isaiah but God is gracious... willing to forgive me and give me another chance. He reminded me that I can't be lenient all the time with my children. They need to know boundaries and just as I deal with consequences from my mistakes, my children will too.

God blessed me when the older two finally fell asleep... for almost 30 minutes, Eliza just talked and squealed... what a sweet sound that was. It reminded me that no matter how rough some nights may be, I wouldn't trade my children for anything. I'm so very blessed to have them in my life.

Train Up a Child

On Thursdays, I go into the office to work. I always have such mixed feelings. I hate saying good-bye to the kids in the morning but when I'm in the office, I love being there. I really do have a fabulous job and am so grateful that God completely gave me my heart's desire.

When I came home today, the kids were wired and did not want to sleep, especially Isaiah. Mike usually puts him to bed and Isaiah often tries to cling to me in attempt to get out of bedtime. Tonight, I didn't want to give him back. I was loving his giggles, his kisses, his 'I lub you Mommy'. So Mike said it was my job to put him to bed so I did. I carried him up, raced him to his bed, jumped in and laid down with him. We talked, we prayed, we snuggled. It was sweet.

I was a bit cranky coming home because I'm still not feeling well and well when I got home, E was a disaster and wouldn't let me put her down but I reminded myself that this too will pass (darn teeth) and I would savor the snuggles and cries for only mama.

I'm trying very hard to be more patient, more gracious, more merciful with my children... to show/teach them what God is like and hopefully to instill those qualities in them as well. It's easier for the younger two... they haven't become to independent and opinionated yet. It's harder for me with Izzy but I'm desperately trying to "Train your child in the way she should go, and when she is old, she will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 I'm trying to be more gentle when discipling her, trying to explain how she should act/repsond rather than just telling her what she is doing is wrong. We had a nice chat this evening about greeting people with a 'royal smile' and making them feel special.

It's scary to know I have so much influence on someone.... please God use me to draw her closer to You, not the opposite!

You take the good, you take the bad....

Job 2:10 (after Job loses his health and his wife tells him to curse God) says this:

".... Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

This past year has been quite a difficult one. Over the course of 3 months, I lost three of my uncles and about 4 months later, I lost another. Roughly at that same time, a former youth group student was diagnosed with a second cancer (and in Nov passed away) and 2 months later my Dad was diagnosed with Lymphoma.

I can honestly say that while it broke my heart and I begged and begged for God's mercy, I was not angry with God that these things happened. Oh how I wished they hadn't but I know that God is sovereign.

When we accept Christ, we are not guaranteed an easy, pain free life. We are guaranteed someone to walk us through those valleys, those seemingly black holes...

I will certainly accept the good from God but I will also accept the trouble, knowing that He is with me and knowing that each trouble will bring me closer to Him. I pray that I will be like Job... and to the end hold on to my integrity and defend the Lord with all I've got.